Tag Archives: Overcoming repeating arguments

“I’m OK; You’re OK”

The OK Corral

How many people do you know; family, relatives friends, work colleagues, whom you can safely predict, as sure as houses, will react the same way, time and again when things don’t go right for them or when they don’t get things their own way?

We notice in some people the consistency as obvious.  We can guarantee witnessing the same display of emotions time after time. They do themselves down with the same self-critical put downs, protest the of blame of others or even constantly shout against life itself perceiving it’s their fate to live with frustrated and failing.

How many people do you know; family, relatives friends, work colleagues, whom you can safely predict, as sure as houses, will react the same way, time and again when things don’t go right for them or when they don’t get things their own way?

We can even guess what they’re feeling and saying about themselves inside.

We have a name for this fall-back position of thinking, internal feeling and behaving in times of stress. We call them Racket Feelings

How we react when things don’t right for us or when we don’t get our way frequently gives us a clue as to a person’s Life Position Continue reading

Are you running a Protection Racket?

“Pay up o’ there’s gonna be-a trouble”

Threee Mafia type Gangsters

“You’ll pay us because we’re such good friends”

You know the scene. In fact you’re right there; on a rainy afternoon; front row seat; with popcorn bucket, Kia Ora and a straw.

On the big screen two Wiseguys, footsoldiers of the Lambrini family enter the Deli.

Tony the store keeper, serving kind Mrs Romazo, glances over as the bell above the door rings. The mob guys offer him a sideways smile. His face turns limp and pale.

The chatty elderly Italian lady in the black dress and coat suddenly turns silent and hurriedly stuffs her cheese and salami into her bag.

Giving Tony a nervous, “Grazia”, Mrs Romazo shuffles quickly out the door.

The owner regains a brave smile. He’s supposed to act pleased to see them. He’s not expected to show he’s scared. He knows that; they know that. Camaraderie is what they expect.

After some light conversation and strained laughs, he hands over an envelope.

Wiseguy One lifts up the envelope and balances it in his palm.

“Feels a little light this month, Tony”, he says menacingly.

Tony’s mouth goes dry. He bites his lip nervously.

“You know how business is now guys, since they opened the Fresh n’ Low on Third. I’ve got a special order to Gino’s restaurant this week, big party. I’ll make it good next month”.

You know how the rest of the scene goes.

There’s always a nice Wiseguy and a psycho Wiseguy; right? Psycho wise guy is just itching to take out his mother-in-law’s nagging on the first person looks at him wrong.

Psycho Wiseguy eyes Tony, then the cheese grater on the opposite side of the counter.

If the nice Wiseguy is in charge, Anthony gets a reprieve. If not; well, as you know and as Psycho guy is thinking: cheese graters are sharp tools, and accidents in a Deli, as an occupational hazard do sometimes happen.

Not that kind of Protection Racket

Ok; I apologise. Put the cheese grater away, please. I get carried away at the movies; what can I say?

When I asked if you run your own Protection Racket, I didn’t mean to accuse you of a Mafia scam. Though there are similarities with what I do mean.

Let me explain.

Continue reading

Your reward for enduring repeating arguments and ‘go-nowhere’ conversations

A Groundhog emerging from his burrow under a title of Groundhog DayIt’s Groundhog Day once again

We’ve talked of the frustration, hurt, anger and demoralisation that repeated arguments and ‘go-nowhere’ conversations can render.

Recurring showdowns with family, friends or job colleagues sap our energy, morale and jeopardise our enthusiasm for our relationships. They make us want to cut family ties or contemplate quitting a job.

This feeling of having been suckered into repeated arguments and deadlocked conversations time after time, reminds me of the movie, Groundhog Day. Continue reading

The unhappiness of repeating arguments

two bulls locking horns in arguement

Why are we always going head to head?

Repeated arguing: A habit in relationships that drag you down

What do I mean by Repeated Arguments? I don’t necessarily mean constant arguing, although for some people in bad relationships at home or at work, life can feel like a constant fight.

What I mean is those arguments which happen, time after time; often with the same person – often close, loved-ones: husbands, wives, partners, children and wider family.

Repetitious arguments like this can also feature in our work relationships; with bosses and work colleagues.

These arguments frequently have a consistent theme or feature a specific recurring bone of contention. Sometimes they can simply explode out from a simmering tension that inexplicably defines our relationship with that other person, or persons. Continue reading